Stuck Between Here and There

When I found myself on the Google Latitude page, it blatantly informed me that “the location of Dani Titus is not shared.” And why is that? Besides my Google account settings, I think my physiological location isn’t quite being advertised completely either. As much as I want to convince people – along with myself – that I’m all gung-ho about packing up my life and trucking towards college, secretly I’ve got that bit of dread. It’s not that I’m scared about living on my own and having my life figured out because I’ve pretty much got that under control. It’s just that I’m worried I’ll lose all that I have here – especially how close I am to my best friend. I’ve never had a friendship as close as ours and I honestly don’t think too many people do in their lifetime. That’s probably the biggest reason I go back and forth about college.

My mental conversation can’t seem to stay on one side of the argument. Randomly throughout the day, I’ll say to myself, “Man, I can’t wait until next year when I can get to USD and get my life going already.” But then it changes to “I’ll miss my friends, family, and everything familiar. And my puppy, Millie! How am I going to be able to study without her curled up next to me on my bed?” The little voice inside my head is on track to becoming bipolar. Pick a side already!

Almost every day, I find myself anticipating the moment when the days will start flying by like all of last year’s seniors told me they would. I’m already bored with the monotony of senior year:  I press my snooze button one too many times in the morning, throw myself together, and truck out the door with my backpack, purse, gym bag, and softball equipment weighing me down. Once at school, each ring of the bell feels like another lap down on the race towards the end of the day. Practice drags on and I speed to my next obligation as soon as it’s over. After that is homework followed by a little bit of Twitter and then I’m off to sleep. Repeat that five times and you’ve got my weeks nailed. Hard to believe it, but that’s not exactly my ideal schedule. I find myself wishing this year would hurry up and end so I could get my life started.  Maybe other seniors don’t exactly get that feeling, but I think a lot of the reason I do is because I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I’m ready to get to the University of South Dakota and get my Occupational Therapy degree. I’m excited to start helping children with disabilities and utilize the passion I have for those people. Starting last January, I shadowed the Occupational Therapists in the hospital every day until May. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve gotten a good look at what that profession holds for me. I just want to jump in already!

Then I’m back to the friendship dilemma. I’ve come to the realization this year that having one really close friend is better than having multiple “half-best friends.” Don’t get me wrong, I think I have a good range of friends but I’m definitely not as close to a lot of them as I have been in previous years. Contrary to that though, I’ve gotten extremely close to that one. It’s like that saying, “I’d rather have one dollar bill than four quarters.” That girl and I do basically everything together. Have a free hour or two? Call her. Don’t want to sit there alone while doing your homework? Call her. Need to drive around and cry your heart out to someone? Call her. She’s that person I can turn to no matter what. The problem isn’t that I don’t think I’ll make friends in college – I’m sure I will. It’s just that losing that closeness because of the distance of college would kill me. How weird it would feel if I came home from college and I couldn’t just say whatever I wanted in front of her! We talk about anything and everything. If there ever came a time when we didn’t, who would I tell anything to?

On every single softball bus ride, I can be found in the very back seat jamming with Meg. The other night, one of the first songs that came up on my iPod was “American Honey” by Lady Antebellum. Have you ever listened to a song a million times and the 1,000,001^st time you listen to it, a line hits you like a ton of bricks? That was me last night: “Couldn’t wait to get going, but wasn’t quite ready to leave.” My heart sank. There I was singing my heart out with my best friend, which is something we do a lot, and my whole mental state for the last month was verbalized out of nowhere. I’d never thought about it like that but, honestly, I never couldn’t phrased it better myself. Where am I mentally? Stuck in the middle of wishing for a fast forward button and wanting to hold on to every single moment.  

A Glimpse Inside My Home

To the left, the main design components of my house are displayed. Throughout my home, there is a combination of carpet and wood flooring. Every wall is a light tan color with beige doors and panels. To the right, the main components of my room can be seen. Throughout my room, the prominent colors are brown and light blue. I have an obsession with owls and I have an abundance of pictures around.

Too School for Cool

 

Here's the school and our logo. Currently, the school is more visually pleasing with green grass and sunshine.

Community Central

 

Here's our courthouse and a common town logo.

Here's My State!

We Nebraskans like our Arbor Days and our Husker games.

Dani Titus? Who is she?

                As I sat here today pondering ways I could introduce who I am, I began to evaluate the obvious aspects of me – my Grandpa’s red hair, my blue eyes that I love, my height of hardly 5’2, my relaxed style, my plain-ol’ name. Before today, I’ve never looked into what my name literally means. Of course, there have been situations when other people talk about the meaning of their name and I ponder the possibilities at that time, but that thought never quite develops into action. That thought is quickly replaced by the next item on my agenda and I forget all about it. Today, that quick sense of curiosity came flooding back to me and my fingers quickly found the keyboard. With faster-than-lightning speed, Google directed me to parentsconnect.com. This handy site informed me that in both the Hebrew and French languages, Danielle is the feminine form of Daniel which means “God is my judge.” I couldn’t believe how perfect that was! A big part of who I am comes from my relationship with God. I know that God is my only judge and many times I have to remind myself of that. On the days I’m feeling self-conscious or I do something clumsy or my words seem to dig me into a bigger hole than I’m already sitting in, I have to take a step back and remind myself that God’s opinion of me is the only one that matters. The things people say, the judgment they pass, and the little smirks as people walk by are all things that should just roll off people’s shoulders. I think that knowing that is one reason I am as laid back as I am. Granted, I don’t always succeed at that hefty task. I know it can be extremely hard most of the time. But some days I think about how many worries would be swept away if we only worked to please God instead of everyone else.  Pleasing God shapes a lot of what I do as a person. The choices I make, the things I say, and the actions I take are all a reflection on God. Why would I want to reflect badly on him?
                Probably one of the hardest places to keep tabs on my behavior is during sports. Things get intense and sometimes I lose myself to the game. One way I’ve been working on that issue is with my involvement in Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Over the last year or so, it has taught me ways to keep myself in check – which is not always an easy task. I am a very competitive person by nature but I have to make sure that competitiveness doesn’t overstep the balance of the way God wants me to carry myself. FCA is just one example of the way my involvement in school has shaped me.
               As that shows, the organizations I am involved in get a lot out of me and I get a lot out of them in return.  I am involved in NHS as an officer, FBLA as an officer, Color guard as the captain, FCA, FCG, Band, Softball, Basketball, and even Math Club. The thing is, though, over the years I’ve discovered that being as busy as I am is what keeps me going. I absolutely love running around like crazy, speeding around to back-to-back meetings, and having so much to do. Of course, as we found out in class today, sometimes my duties carry over to other parts of my day. As Dr. English caught me working on an FBLA poster instead of my blog, I sheepishly realized that this is one thing I do a lot. I try to balance out and prioritize without even realizing it. Now,  I’m not saying that FBLA is more important than my blog, I just mean that at that moment doing the posters seemed more logical to do at school because I could use the printing there. I knew that I would be able to knock out my blog at home when I had my iPod to tune out the world and write – which is one of my favorite things. Of course, Dr. English may have a different opinion of my logic but that is an excellent example of the way I am. I am constantly trying to juggle all of my activities in the timeliest manner. Part of the reason I think that I like to be so crazily busy is because after all the running around for the day is over and I’m lying in bed, I feel like I got something accomplished that day. I have to admit that one of the best feelings ever is marking something off of my To-Do list. The physical act of crossing it off gives me so much satisfaction that I don’t even care how hard of a task it was – if I got to cross it off, it was worth it. A little anal, I’m sure, but I don’t care. I am an organizational freak and proud.
                 So who knows if you’ve learned anything about me throughout this way-over-the-word-limit blog, but I think I might’ve discovered a few things about myself. My name means “God is my only judge” and I’m going to use that as a simple reminder for the days I need it. The organizations I’m involved in have had a bigger effect on who I am than I even realized. Sometimes my time management tactics can get me in trouble, but I can always get the job done anyway. The best feeling in the whole world is crossing off tasks off of my lengthy list. In fact, after I finish this last sentence I’ll get to check off this blog post from that list, too – yay for Dani!

Life Soundtrack Pick

This is "It's Your Life" by Francesca Battistelli. A song that really connected with me! People will always be watching the decisions that you make. How will your decisions reflect on God?

Family Artifact

My artifact was a a Styrofoam bowl. My family always has to do the dishes before opening any gifts at Christmas. What a bummer!

Deep Map

Twitter is one of my favorite pass times! It could definitely say a lot about me. :)